How to Not Hold Yourself Back

How to Not Hold Yourself Back: "

What is your current title? Are you an engineer? an account executive? an analyst? an insurance broker? a stay at home mom? or are you something else? Many people define who they are based on their title and whatever it is they do for a career or on an everyday basis. They then use that definition to determine what they are capable of, what they will focus on and the goals they will pursue.

And, some people really buy into these definitions and titles.

For example, a woman may define herself as a housewife and based on that definition, determine that everything she does should be centered around her role as a housewife. To her, that means she should take care of her household, watch the Food Network, help out at her child’s school, and do anything and everything else she can for her family.

Or, a business man may decide that he is supposed to excel in his career and stay laser focused on only doing those things that will help him grow and advance in his career. To him, that means he should buy expensive suits, read the Wall Street Journal, find a good golf pro and network with people in his industry.

Many people will devote the majority of their attention to being successful and fulfilling their responsibilities based on the role they believe they are supposed to play and a definition they have created of what the role entails. And, while that is great and there is nothing wrong with being successful at what we do… there is an alternaview we should make certain we are taking note of.

The alternaview

We should not allow our title or a narrow definition of who we are limit how we live our lives. We should not put too much stock in our title or let it take the lead and determine what we focus on, what goals we set, and what we accomplish. A title is just a title and it doesn’t provide us with any real information about what we really are capable of. We need to make certain we are always exploring our real interests and pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone, even if that means we are outside the definition of what we think is necessary and appropriate based on our title.

The housewife, for example, may decide that being a housewife is her main role in life and because she has defined herself in this manner, she may never look beyond her constricted views of what is appropriate for a housewife to do. She may never set her own personal goals or feel that she should divert any attention away from her family to pursue her own desires.

Or, the businessman may never look to explore the ability that has always been inside of him to be creative. He may have felt that it was just not lucrative to pursue his passion and creative side and decided instead to prioritize being a businessman over anything else. He allows this constricted view of himself to impact what he does and what he focuses on.

And, all of this arises from a title or a definition that they are buying into and giving way too much credence to.

We must make certain that we have not narrowed our own view of what we should be aiming to accomplish and actually end up holding ourselves back because we have a constricted view of who we are. We should determine what we are capable of and what we want to accomplish independent of our title, definition and any corresponding artificial limitations we may have set. We should always push ourselves to move beyond things that may be constricting our real desires, passions and interests .

Why?

Because when we are able to push ourselves beyond constricted views of who we think we are, we really open ourselves up to more and more possibilities. We are able to really explore our freedom and move beyond our comfort zones. This is how we tap into our real creativity and how we make certain our lives continually unfold and get better each day.

And, this approach usually requires a change in mindset. An openness to be daring and to do things you may not have normally done. In order to have big breakthroughs we have to take off any handcuffs we may have placed on ourselves and do things that are beyond the status quo and what is expected.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Throw out any notions of 'I am not supposed to'. Is there something you are not doing because you think it is beyond the scope of what you should be focusing or spending time doing, (i.e. “I am not supposed to write and explore my creative side because I am a lawyer, not a blogger.) Don't subject yourself to limiting definitions of what you are or are not supposed to do. Discover what truly interests and excites you, and then do it.

2. Go back to the Beginning. When you were younger, what did you think you would be? Revisit any dreams you dismissed because you allowed your dreams to be influenced by what you determined was your role in life. It doesn’t mean that you will necessarily end up doing that same particular thing, but it can point you in the right direction of your true interests and passions.

3. Do Things Differently. Just do something that is unexpected. Read a different type of book that interests you, but is different from what you would normally read. Talk to different types of people, explore new areas, do something that is out of the ordinary for you. It is important to get comfortable doing things beyond your comfort zone.

4. Realize You Don’t Have to Give Anything Up. You can still do your current job well while you devote some focus to other things that interest you. It is not that you are giving anything up, you are just choosing to expand what you are focusing on.

5. Look out for clues. The answers may come to you over time, but in order for you to notice them you have to be looking. What seems to keep popping into your mind? What are you continually interested in or reminded about?

It is bad enough when we let other people define what we should be doing and what we are capable of. It is even worse when we put these artificial limits on ourselves. Breakthroughs require daring ideas and approaches that are outside of the norm. Don't fall into the basic patterns of life just because you think that is what you are supposed to do..breakout, breakthrough, find your passion, pursue goals that are not based on a constricted view of who you are and what you are capable of...that is the alternaview.

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